Letting go at 'The Vineyard'

This past weekend, I ventured to "The Vineyard".  It was a weekend to top all weekends--full of fun, food, wine, relaxation, dancing in sweatpants, beaches, sight-seeing, sunsets, love, good friends, and laughter.

South Beach Surf! 

As we came back to gaze upon the New York City skyline, I noticed the subtle shifts in my body...the constant readiness, the pull to my Blackberry, the need to check my e-mails.  As we left the Vineyard with the population of 10, we drove back into the city of a population close to 10 million.

The Sunset on the path to the Lighthouse!

As I am back in the city of stress and constant stimulation, I wonder "How can I bring that relaxation to the city?" "Is it possible to create a retreat or refuge in this Big City that allows me to de-stress and just be?"

 This week, I am trying to keep my blood pressure down, and not worry about the small stuff.  I am remembering how important it is...Just to have fun, and laugh.   If we can learn to let go, this city would be a much happier place to live in.

Here are some photographs to remind me to let go, and just be...

My love on the winter beach. 

Bova before he headed into the water!

Embraced by my love with the wind at my back!

The crash of the water on the sand!

Our lovely hosts for the weekend, Rich and Jenny Bova!

My Cutie ;) every side is his good side.

Feeling on top of the world!

Breathing in fresh, clean air by the lighthouse!

As the lighthouse guides the boats to come ashore for safe refuge, this retreat to The Vineyard has guided me towards a different way of life--of letting go, and bringing a more relaxed version of myself to NYC.

I love... LOVE!

I always love celebrating St. Valentine.

Being the romantic that I am, I just love to celebrate this day.

Unfortunately, I had my internship out in Ronkonkoma, LI on Valentine's Day.
I left at 10 am and returned at 11pm to the City of Love.  As I made my way through Penn Station, I saw bears, flowers, cards, balloons, and candy.  This year, My Love and I celebrated a little differently..

Jim and I made the most out of not spending actual Valentine's Day together.
We decided to celebrate all weekend...

On Friday night, I developed an old roll of film that I have kept for a year.  I waited until Valentine's weekend to develop it! Throughout the year, I snapped moments of us that I wanted to remember.  It was so exciting to develop it.  We had snapshots of Fire Island, Yankee games, quiet moments on the NYC city streets, moments in our apartment, pictures of the Triathalon that we did together, and pictures of us in Central Park.  We live in a society that is all about instant gratification.  It was so wonderful to wait a year to develop the pictures.  I was consumed with that exciting feeling of anticipation!

I selected some of the pictures, and created a 'Doorway of Love' to our apartment to kick off the Valentine's Day weekend.

 On Saturday, it was a lovely relaxing day filled with PJs and wedding planning!

On Sunday night, I returned to the house to find my favorite meal:
Manchego Cheese and Olives to start!
Filet Mignon, Mashed Potatoes, and Asparagus paired with Cabernet Sauvignon from the Napa Valley.

For dessert, I made a chocolate souffle with fresh whipped cream and strawberries.  I tried to make it look like an Oreo-- putting the whipped cream between the souffle! It was delish.

All in all, it was a wonderful weekend filled with lots of love.
To boot, the chef was such a cutie ;)
A big thank you to Love, especially my love.

You make my world go round...

Nourish Your Mind, Body, and Soul

Lately, I have become really interested in this idea of food as nourishment. (Thanks Monica!) The idea of food nourishing our body, rather than just filling our belly.  Each time we put nourishing foods in our bodies, we are taking care of ourselves.  Foods that do not nourish are just filler.

Then, I wondered about the parallel between the food we eat and the relationships we have. 

Food feeds our body, whereas relationships feed our souls.   So, It is important to make the distinction between relationships that nourish us and relationships that are just filler.

With my best girlfriends, I am usually filling (sometimes nourishing) my belly while nourishing my soul.  As we sit over lunch, we are fueling our body and soul for the struggles throughout the day. When we fuel up, we nourish each other---rather than just 'fill' up from empty.  It is important to be aware of how we fuel ourselves.  We need to care take of ourselves: mind, body, and soul. 

This idea parallels the relationships that I seek in my life.  The idea of nourishing myself with healthy people, and giving that nourishment back to these people that I love.  I have so many people to be thankful for nourishing my soul (THANK YOU!!!!!) 

Cut the fat (the filler) out of your life.  The people that fill up your life that do not provide you with any nourishment.  Moreover, some relationship may be like what gluten does to me--hurting you as you fill up with it.  So, be careful of how you fill yourself. 

Now, I have to relate this to how I nourish my body. So, next time--instead of a coffee, maybe I will make it a tea.  Instead of a gluten-free scone, maybe I will make it a Goddess Green juice, etc.

So, the next time you sit down for lunch with a good friend--remember to nourish yourself mind, body, and soul. Feed each other. 

Filling up is not the same as nourishment.  Be aware of what you put in.  It will effect what you are able to give back. 

How is Love Healing?

Lately, I have been at the NYU Health Center more than I have been in the library. No Bueno. In addition to my diagnosis of Celiac Disease 5 years ago, I was recently diagnosed (yesterday) with a new list of autoimmune conditions. 

This got me thinking of my body.  I take good care of my body- I eat a healthy gluten-free diet, my biggest indulgence is a creamy hazelnut coffee in the morning, and I work out 4x a week.  Still--I wasn't able to escape the lil' creeper we will call A.I. (short for auto-immune). 

This got me to thinking of how each human body is like a symphony of different instruments.  Each instrument can do their part; but somehow it just doesn't come to together in unison.  Or, one instrument is going so haywire, it is all that you can listen to.  If only...that one violin would just speed up and get in tune with the rest of the symphony....that violin is kinda like what is happening to my thyroid, and it is wreaking 'havoc' on my body.  This post is not about my own little pity party.  But, rather a sharing of my experience, because it happens to many women in their 20s-30s.  The hard part is that autoimmune conditions are really sneaky, and many people go undiagnosed and untreated. 

So--If you feel like the little engine that could (but can't chug up that hill like you once could), go get checked!

Anyway, while that slow violin catches up to the rest of the symphony, I am grateful for the lead drummer of my body.  My heart, who keeps the beat going throughout the day. The heart that beats and drums for love. I am woman with a heart that guides the symphony-- with a drum beat that is steady and sure.  Even as the rest of my body tries to find the beat, I am grateful that I have someone in my life who makes my heart drum.


I find it funny that one of Jim's favorite songs is Little Drummer Boy (isn't he full of surprises?)
Well, he is the drummer of my heart-

"Then he smiled at me, pa rum pum, pum, pum
me and my drum."

So, Yes.  Love, you are healing.
I am sure you are strong enough to combat the sneaky A.I. ;)

Take these words I give you...

I just finished a Winter Class intercession class! Freedom!! (for four days until my last semester of graduate school begins) 

In this next semester, I will be living and breathing my thesis.  In addition to internship, a full time class-load, and my 100- page thesis, I will be trying to have a social life.  It should be interesting!

In wonderful news, I have decided on my thesis topic: The importance of distilling the embodied experience of drama therapy into metaphor (specifically written poetry).  

I began to think how this blog is serving in my thesis topic.  We embody our life each day-- It really is up to us to decide how we want to remember it.  We (not anyone else) encode our experiences into our memories.  This made me happy, as I realized that we have the power to decide how we want to view life--THROUGH OUR WORDS.

How do we take an experience and distill it into words?  Sometimes, it is about trying to find the perfect word to describe how you feel.  How difficult! I find this experience so important (which is why I have kept a journal for 5 years)! 

When I re-read my journals, I rely on my words to bring me back to the experience.  The stories that I have written for myself bring me back to different parts of my life.  I can re-crystallize the experience into the here and now.  

Language is so important.  I love the English language.  It allows me to express myself.  Finding the perfect word to describe how I feel is like... having a warm (gluten-free) chocolate chip cookie, and dipping it into hot a soy mocha-chino on a Winter's day! 

Write a journal. We have the power to encode our experiences into our memory.  

Distill your experiences.  Think Positively!

How we remember... is how we distill it ;)

Winter Sun

Throughout this winter, I have observed that the city can look different as the sun shimmers and reflects upon it.  The dark gray colors of the city come to life as the sun shines--the color gray is instantly transformed to brilliant hues of red, crimson, gold, bright blue, and emerald green.

If this is what happens to the city, I began to wonder what happens to us when the sun comes out.  Do our sparkling colors come out to shine when we bask in the sun's glow?

 I realized that a sunny day does change my perspective.  I look outside on a day filled with sunshine...I know that it is cold, but the sunlight invites me out---out from my cozy apartment, but also out from the gray shell shielding all the colors within me. 

Here is my toast to sunshine! Thanks for your ability to transform the city that I love from a dull and dreary metropolis to a vibrant city full of color.  And, a sincere thank you for giving me a perk on these cold and dreary winter days. 

What is Freedom?

    Today, I started a Winter Session class on Cross-Cultural Counseling.  In the afternoon, I traveled with my fellow NYU graduate students to the Museum of Jewish Heritage.  At the museum, I met two Holocaust Survivors who shared their stories of survival with us.  As I process and reflect on my experience at the museum, it is hard to put into words the visceral reactions that I had in my body, in my mind, and in my heart.  The stories that they shared were that of survival, of hope, and of the sheer will to live against all the odds.  

      The woman survivor described how she was taken to Auschwitz.  In a moment that I will never forget for the rest of my life, she raised her sleeve to show the number tattooed on her arm.  She described how her survival depended on split-second decisions that she made; the decision to run, to hide, to change from the line of death to that of life, to move to the sick ward with her sister, to split from her sister, to plead for her life, and to run again.  She ran back to freedom... but a freedom that orphaned her without parents, without a home, and without her sisters.  At the end of her story, she shared that she was unable to laugh for 25 years and still to this day has not been able to cry.

  

As I walked out of the museum, I saw the sun setting over the Statue of Liberty.
The symbol of freedom.

I thought "Will she ever experience again the freedom of a laugh or the freedom of a cry?"

For every sunset, there is a sunrise.

That is where hope is born--
                   my hope for her, my hope for humanity.


So, I ask: What is freedom?